No work tomorrow. Nice.
One late Friday night back in college, I was walking from one bar to the next and I saw a guy digging frantically through the passenger side of his parked Volkswagen Beetle. I noticed that he had looked at me, but I was more interested in getting my next cheap light beer than seeing if he needed help organizing a search party for whatever he needed in the interior of his car.
“Hey man, could you help a guy out for a sec?” I heard after I had already passed the car.
I stopped, about-faced, and shrugged at the guy who was still on his knees, a frantic look in his eyes. “Sure. What’s up?”
“I lost my phone,” he said. “I think it’s in my car somewhere. Do you think if I gave you the number, you could call it?”
“Oh yeah,” I said. “No problem.”
And he gave me the number and I called it and we immediately heard it ring. He reached under the passenger seat and grabbed it effortlessly.
“Oh man, thanks so much,” he said. “Where you headed?”
“No problem,” I replied. “Just over to the Hotel bar. Have a good night.” I then turned around to continue my trek towards the bar.
About an hour and three beers later, I received a text from the number of the Volkswagen owner.
- HIM: hey whats up?
- ME: Hi… everything okay?
- HIM: ya, i’m just drunk and a lil horny.
- ME: Well, those two often go hand in hand.
- HIM: u want to meet up later?
- ME: I’m flattered, but you’re not really my type.
- HIM: too much penis?
- ME: Yes, too much penis. But that was a nice move pretending that you lost your phone so you could get my number.
- HIM: busted.
- ME: Have a nice night. If I run into you later, I’ll buy you a shot for the effort.
And as it would turn out, I ran into that tricky bastard later that night, bought him a shot of bourbon, and he admitted to me that his “lost my phone” trick had worked three times for him in the past. I was impressed. He was a sly one - although he could probably have worked on his subtleness. I generally preferred the “approach at bar and have a conversation” tactic for meeting women without the follow up “I’m horny” text afterwards, even then when I was at my craziest.
I always wonder what happened to these unique characters who I used to spend so much time with in college - Playboy Neil, Flapper Girl, Pakistani Princess, James Dean and Blagojevich (who always traveled together and looked exactly like their nicknames suggested)… we all had names for each other usually defined by our first encounters - our relationships based solely on the absurdity of the bar and eating late-night pizza afterwards that would leave the roofs of our mouth raw from our inability to wait for the pizza to cool down. I go through my phone and see contacts like “drunk birthday girl,” and “plaid shirt meathead,” and “pink shirt black skirt,” and “mxhtsiojgfd” and I know there are so many stories there that I am forgetting more and more of each day.
I should have written more down. Isn’t that always the case?
Pittsburgh blue collar hospitality: the champagne of beers and Indiana Jones. I love Pittsburghers.
Flying out at 6:30 AM.
My latest batch of beer is finally done conditioning - a decent, but not spectacular blonde ale. I think I need more (different?) hops, but I don’t really know. I’m making this up as I go. In the meantime, I have a couple gallons to share.
Time for a warmup break. Gotta ease the pain a bit if I’m going to hit these jumps to keep up with the pot-smoking teenage snowboarders.
After stirring in the yeast to begin the fermentation process, the scent is divine. It’ll be a good month before its drinkable. Then, I’ve noticed, offering up one’s own self-brewed beer makes a great conversation piece.
Brewing a small batch - about twenty 12-oz bottles worth - of what I think will be a blonde ale. Currently stirring the wort.
In honor of Pittsburgh beating Cleveland (and the lake effect snow storm on its way to Erie), I shall drink a Cleveland Great Lakes beer. Don’t give up the ship!
And what better way to cap off the night?
Humming Ale
Brewery: Anchor Brewing
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Brewer’s Description: This bold, frothy, effervescent ale, with hints of citrus, finds its name throughout English literature that might just as well describe its taste, its history, or just how it makes you feel. … Humming is an ancient beer term, found everywhere from Robin Hood to Herman Melville, used to describe a strong, effervescent ale with a lot of character or just in praise of a truly good beer.
